What are kissing cousins?
"Kissing cousins" originally meant relatives who were close enough to greet with a kiss at family gatherings, typically distant cousins, not a romantic couple.
Where the phrase comes from
The expression is recorded in the American South in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, where a "kissing cousin" was a relative, often a distant or courtesy cousin, you knew well enough to kiss on the cheek. It was popularised by the 1964 Elvis Presley film Kissin' Cousins, which leaned on the romantic reading.
Figurative use
Today it is often used for things that are closely related without being identical: "the mandolin is a kissing cousin of the lute". Merriam-Webster lists both the literal and figurative senses.
Which relatives count?
There is no genealogical definition. Use the calculator if you want the actual term for the cousin in question, whether that turns out to be a second cousin, third cousin or someone once removed.
Check your own relative
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Find the most recent ancestor you both descend from, then say how each of you is connected to them.
- They call you
- their second cousin
- Expected shared DNA
- ≈ 3.13%
- Degree (civil / canon)
- 6 / 3
- Also called
- 2nd cousin
Why a second cousin?
You share great-grandparents. You are 3 generations below them; the other person is 3 generations below them.
The cousin number comes from whoever is closer to the shared ancestor: 3 generations down, minus 1 = second cousin.
You are the same number of generations down, so there is no "removed".
Questions people ask
Does "kissing cousins" mean cousins who date?
Not originally. It meant relatives familiar enough to kiss in greeting. The romantic reading grew later, partly from film and jokes.